


Bloodied Fingernails

by prince_pqul



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Blood, Bulimia, Descriptions of gore, Intrusive Thoughts, Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Kiyotaka has Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Mondo Comforts Kiyotaka, taka may seem out of character? im using my personal hcs on him, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28107669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prince_pqul/pseuds/prince_pqul
Summary: Kiyotaka hasn't left his dorm room for a couple of days now, and Mondo is getting concerned. Little does he know, Kiyotaka has blood in his hands.
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 97





	Bloodied Fingernails

**Author's Note:**

> hello! heres my first ishimondo fic !! this is a bit old, and it is a vent so it's pretty nasty. i hope you enjoy it!
> 
> tw/ for this story: anorexia/bulimia, mentions of gore and blood, mentions of unresolved mental problems.

Mondo was starting to get real fucking scared. 

It has been a good couple of days and Taka hasn’t shown up to a dining hall meeting yet. The first day, they were very worried, as Taka _never_ misses a meeting. Taka was the person that would drag them _to_ the meetings. So to see his absence was very concerning. They walked the halls and looked for him, and Mondo knocked on his door, only to hear nothing. They started to panic that he was possibly murdered, and only after Mondo expressed his concerns, Taka spoke from behind his door. He insisted with quick, uncharacteristic phrases; ‘I’m OK’ and ‘I’ll eat later’.

The second day was more of the same panic; find Taka missing, try to talk to him through the door, get a half-assed affirmation, then leave. By day three, Mondo was starting to freak out. This was so painfully uncharacteristic of him and the worry and started to float in his head. What if something is happening in there? Is he treating wounds? Is he trying to plan a murder? Or is he finding a way to escape? Perhaps he’s trying to self-quarantine himself? Mondo couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the worst possible things. He imagined cotton candy blood splattered all inside of Taka’s room, his body heaving for last breaths as he stayed locked inside. He imagined Taka filling his room with walls upon walls of maps and layouts and structures of their building, trying to find one contradiction that led to their freedom. He imagined Taka sobbing, cuddled in his bed, praying for an escape, and begging any sort of God in the heavens for forgiveness.

Mondo imagined that he could open that door and be able to comfort him.

And as he slammed down his third bowl of instant ramen, footsteps entered the large dining room. 

And upon looking, it was no other than Kiyotaka Ishimaru.

Gasping for air, Mondo tripped to stand up. He stared at Taka, approaching, “Taka??? What happened??”

The gaze Mondo saw was not pleasant. Taka had hollow, tired eyes, strained into a pinpoint panic. His body was struggling to walk as he was fatigued. He was twitching slightly as his arms (which were crossed) were jolting and his shoulders followed every shake. After giving Mondo one solemn look, he kept walking to the kitchen.

Before he could process how odd he was acting, Mondo immediately grabbed him by the arm, “No, stop. Kiyotaka, where have ya been?”

Taka shuddered again, keeping his head down. He mumbled, “Let me go.”

Now, the shock of what in the _world_ happened to Taka was starting to set in. This was nothing. _Nothing_ like the Taka he knew. This Taka was closed off and timid. This Taka was quiet and unfamiliar. What the _fuck_ happened in his dorm?

Instead of pulling with force, Mondo gently walked close to Taka, “Hey, I jus’ wanna help you, dude.”

Taka jolted hard, hard enough that if Mondo wasn’t holding on so firmly, he would have flung from his grasp, “I’m _fine_. I just need some food.”

The biker still kept a hold of his friend, but not a fierce grip. He glanced to the kitchen, “If you need food I can get it for ya. We should sit down and e-”

To his surprise, Taka thrashed his arm forward, ripping from Mondo’s grip, “I said I’m _FINE_.”

There was no time to respond as Taka walked up to the kitchen and started to scavenge for fruit. Mondo stood there in confusion, staring at the once straight-laced student that had just pushed him away, now looking for food to feast on. God, it was awful. He knew. He knew something was wrong. But Taka wasn’t telling him. And that was the worst thing. He’s not going to let him get away with this, though. Mondo is going to fix this. He has to.

Taka threw up for the 5th time that day. 

He was clutching the edges of the toilet seat, shaking as he had convulsed from malnutrition and shock of making himself vomit. His world had been spinning and it was hard to stand. What small bites of an apple he got from the diner that day was already in the toilet, swimming in a bowl of other small fluids forced out of the small student’s body.

Despite struggling to stand up, Taka decided to slug himself out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. It was late and he needed some sleep.

He quite literally crawled himself into bed and laid there.

There was peace for about one second. Just one, blissful second.

Then the thoughts started.

As soon as he tried to dispose of them in the bathroom, they came back like a swarm of bees. The image of brains. The sights of guts and bones and severed fingers. The overpowering taste of iron blood filling a bubblegum pink room. His fingers slipping on the neck of his victims and tearing their tendons out one string at a time. 

Taka curled into a ball, holding his head into his chest, trying to bury his consciousness away from his filthy brain.

As he thought more, the more he wanted to scream. With each spiraling idea of horror and ear-splitting violence, he wanted to rip out the brain that told him to kill. He wanted to be free of this god awful feeling of dread and violence. His lungs filled with rocks as he struggled to breathe against the intense smell of iron in his head. He felt as if he was sinking, melting further and further into the depths of his bed. He felt as if he was drowning. Drowning in his own pink blood. And there was no escape. No escape from this hell on Earth. But deep down. He knew. Only one release. One thing would make. This nightmare stop.

Kill. 

Release all of his murderous fantasies onto someone. Something. It has to be something. Someone. Someone. SOMEONE. _SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

He didn’t know he was digging his fingers into his scalp and drawing blood.

He also forgot that he hadn’t locked his door, as suddenly Mondo was shaking him.

“Hey, stay still.”

Mondo could hear the student’s hisses as Mondo pressed a cold cloth against his bleeding head. Taka was shaking, gripping his arms, and trying to keep his anxious body still. They were both sitting on the couch, Mondo sitting right behind the student with plenty of medical AID and towels to nurse Taka. Taka had taken off his blood-stained uniform and was now slowly regaining his breath in a white tank top and pajama pants. 

There was a moment of silence and neither of the boys said anything. Mondo could faintly hear the ticking of the clock as Taka still twitched and flicked his fingers against his arms. 

Taka then gripped the skin on his arms, “I’m sorry.”

Mondo stuttered, a little confused by the question, “Huh?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you into my mess.”

Mondo sighed, sitting a little closer to the student, “No, don’t be sorry. None of this is ya fault.”

Taka jolted, “No, it’s all my fault. I’m the one acting weird and out of regulation. I’m the one with blood under my fingernails.”

Mondo paused, looking over Taka’s shoulder to see him looking at his fingers. He rubbed Taka’s head using his thumb through the cloth, “Taka, man. It’s not ya fault. Ya jus’ got some stuff goin’ on. And ya can fix it.”

Taka gave a low groan, but not exactly a denying growl; it was more of a growl of acceptance as if he’s heard this many times. By the looks of it, this wasn’t new. Taka has been dealing with this for a lot of his life. God, Mondo could only wonder what it was like.

Through the silence, Mondo checked his rag and with a glance, he decided to grab an extra rag. He scooched up on the couch and with one hand, reached over to Taka’s, twitching fingers. He offered to hold his hands. And, with a patient gesture, Taka slowly put his hands into the rag. Mondo let go of the rag on Taka’s head, as he had subsided the bleeding and used both hands to slowly rub under his fingernails. He used a gentle circular rubbing, trying to ease parts of the rag under the fingernail. With this gentle rub, he tried to massage the student’s worries. And with each small rub, he could feel Taka’s heart slow down. And the more he went, the more the student relaxed his shoulders and arms. 

Taka then slowly laid his head back, his back resting against Mondo’s chest and Taka’s head to the ceiling, on Mondo’s shoulder. His eyes fluttered shut as he slowly breathed in and out, letting Mondo do all the work on his small hands. Oh, this was heaven to Mondo. He sucked up every moment of Taka being relaxed and calm. He appreciated every deep breath and every beat of his heart. Mondo had leaned his head forward and kept his attention to kneading the scholar’s worrisome hands. Taka then rested his head to the side, leaning against Mondo’s face. Taka’s cheek against Mondo’s was… It was calming. It was more angelic than any smooth soap or warm blanket. The simple act of leaning against him had formed his small worries into warmth. So Mondo kept kneading. He kept flossing the rag between his fingers and between his nails. He massaged the tired tendons and caressed the small fingers. 

They laid there for several, several minutes. God, it may have been hours. But it was so simple. The simple warmth and calmness of a massage can do so much to two people. 

This gentle vacation was only interrupted by a low vibration in Taka’s throat.

“Mondo… thank you.”

Mondo looked up from his work.

He hasn’t heard that from Taka. He’s heard it from him to others, or in desperate need, but he’s never heard it so… So genuinely. 

Mondo shifted slightly closer, “Of course, Taka. Anytime.”

Taka was tucking himself back into the small bed he was in only a couple of hours ago. But, this time, he had the company of Mondo Owada. Mondo insisted that he was staying after seeing what had happened. He insisted, through every groan and push back, which made Taka weary but, ultimately, his resistance was in vain. But, Mondo had this strong protection that would stop Taka and any other thoughts from harming. He had the freedom to finally rest.

But… Taka didn’t feel fair. It didn’t feel fair to Mondo to simply put aside all of this madness. He had lost his mind and had given no context. Hell, he’s been bottling this up for years. He has to get it out.

Mondo turned around in bed, “G’night, pal. Rest well, dude.”

Taka reached his hand out and grabbed the biker’s sleep shirt. Mondo instantly took notice and cupped Taka’s hand in his own.

“Taka? What’s up?”

Taka cleared his gentle throat. 

“Mondo… What happened today…”

It was hard to get the words out. He had been keeping these small little intricacies about himself hidden. It was hard to unearth them.

Mondo gently caressed Taka’s hand, “Dude, you should get some sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

Taka shook his head, “No… No, I want to get it out.”

There was hesitation, but then Mondo said, “…What’s goin’ on?”

Taka gulped and rubbed his eyes with his free hand, “Well… What happened…”

Taka took a deep breath and started to talk.

“You see… When I was younger, I was a weird kid… I had these weird fantasies about killing things and I was really fascinated by gore… But, my p-parents wanted me to pursue education. Through education, I kept distracting myself. E-Every assignment, I would forget about dead birds on the side of the road, and I would forget about wanting to discover what was inside the neighbor’s dog.

“Only later in life…. I… I learned that wasn’t normal… And I actively wanted to make sure it never happened again. I-I wanted to make sure all I ever thought about was studies and the world so I could forget about my real intentions. My…”

Taka paused, but only for a minute. He took a deep, shivered breath. Luckily, this rewarded him with a comforting hand from Mondo.

“My family couldn’t get… A diagnosis. So I…”

Taka took another breath, but this time his voice hitched.

“I-I don’t know what’s wrong w-with me.”

He could feel the tears build, but he persevered. He needed Mondo to hear this.

“T-That’s why I study all the time, d-despite already being t-the top student. I-It distracts me. It d-distracts me from the t-true me. And… And... It gets harder the more s-stressed I get… Because I can’t focus on stopping mys-self… And there are no s-studies here, so I s-started going d-down and I tried to s-stop myself, but it d-didn’t work… And n-now I’m scared t-that I’ll k-kill someone, l-like you… And I c-c-c-can’t—”

His sentence was lost as Mondo pulled him into a hug. All within an instant, he was surrounded by an intoxicating warmth that enveloped his every second. It seeped into his skin and traveled through his veins. And that undying warmth blanketed every single bad thought in his brain. With a swift hug, all of his worries had disappeared and had been replaced with soft comfort.

But, he was sure they were still there.

They were always there.

But, when Mondo holds him…

He can relax.

Taka only did what a polite student should do.

He hugged Mondo back.

And, Mondo had said the kindest thing any person had ever told him.

“Taka, you’re strong. You’re the strongest person I know. You can get through this. Iss’ OK to cry about this. Jus’… Never give up, OK? Ya stick in there, man. We’re all rooting for ya, dude.”

Taka fell asleep against Mondo’s chest, crusted tears sealing them both into a deep sleep.


End file.
